To be honest can be hard. Life, Love, Work and Holiday.

Maybe is the lost of anonymous status that I sometime stop blogging straight from my heart. The entire process of writing down the happening of the days now require some thought process and filtering of the brain. Although this might be a good thing since it really train my critical thinking and spare some though and consideration for others, I sometime really like to shout out all the words deep inside me. All the things I felt frustrated about and really hope that some divine being could grant a bit of power to help out. All the dirty secrets I found out and the un-open can of worms just waiting to be discovered by others. Sometime, I felt I am becoming really political by just speaking only what others want to hear, not what others should hear. Or sometime I got to put on a Poker Face as though nothing is wrong when of course I knew some issue are going "Full House". I hate wearing mask...

Oh boy, what crap life can be. To be honest can be hard. Thats why there is such things call "White Lies". There is also thing call Intentional Dishonesty. A friend shows me this passage one day,

"There is no substitute for honesty. One may be temporarily dishonest by force of circumstances over which one has no control without permanent damage. But there is no hope for the person who is dishonest by choice."

Yes I have seen it and I have even experience it myself. Sometime one got to be dishonest for the good of the majority but just how wise this dishonesty is? It is questionable. Who will be willing to be the little voice in the dark void, doing the whistle blowing and who will be listening? Thats a Paradox I encounter sometime. Dishonest by choice? Yup...been there, done that and I can only say the retribution and repercussion came fast for me. So that brings me to the second principle to be in my life mission statement- "To be honest in words I said, work I do and to people I meet. Unless there is clear and present danger to others, honesty still stands." Big statement I think...

About Work:
Things are going well so far. Pretty hectic though but to be honest, lots of opportunity to put in some good quality contribution to the Empire but most importantly to myself. Its only during the crunch time and under pressure will a person skills and knowledge be sharpen and reinforced. From a motivational speaker: 大海若无暗礁和岩石， 怎能精的起美丽的浪花？Loosely translated as " Without the Boulders and Hidden Reefs in the oceans, how can beautiful ocean wave be created?" I got to really thank all the human support and help I had else work can be even tougher. I don't think anyone can be true independent lone ranger in this current work environment, it will either breakdown the body or breakdown the spirit in the end. Interdependent is the key to success. Oh did I mention its a great opportunity to create "Solution"?

Work start 8 and ends late every day.

About People:
Does a person "balls" shrink as they get higher in the ladder of rank in the empire? Today I heard this statement which really irk me why does the empire had such people. "I know there is nothing wrong with IT but with the recent case, why make the decision and the take the rap if something really is wrong? Let the higher management make the call lah". I can only put on my best fake smile and nod my head in political agreement. OF COURSE I DON'T AGREE!!! If one have the technical knowledge, long experiences and the power of rank to make good decision, why resign to fear and self protectionism? Fear of mistake is as good as fear of advancement in life. There is always something to learn from mistake but it can be minimize when decision are make together in groups with people who dare to put their balls on the chopping board to proof things right. Clearly such people are lacking.


About Life:
Currently I am really really lay back. Just enjoy this December and the good few weeks of January before my part time studies officially starts on 19th JAN. I don't know how life will be like juggling work and studies and maybe love life (if it works out). I have only one word -- "Siong!". At less I am mentally prepared. I am looking at lots of sacrifice though. For one, I have to really cut down on my daily running to make time for evening lesson. Weekend will likely be slightly burn too for the home works.

I have completed the Marathon and I don't see myself running another one in the near future. Had my swimming goggles, cap and trunk ready though. I am switching from running to swimming. Too many comment from people I am too skinny so I am gonna just eat and swim, eat and swim. Heard this will beef up the body. Maybe can try protein powder too? Some say go to gym but I just don't the little privacy, long waiting time and lack of personal space in a public gym, especially the one near my place which is always super crowded. I am thinking of going to a friend's condo gym though.

About Love
Some dating is going on but hard to say if things will go well. I hope I am not too eager to prove anything for nothing. In the past, the fire burn to brilliantly and fizzled shortly, the car go too fast than crash and burn. Flaw in me, I am too eager to results. Got to take it slow and easy now. Sometimes respond comes really slow and the little devil in my mind play its music of disappointment and frustration yet again.

I realize recently a secret of a girl I kept in close contact for a while when I was in US. She turn out to be a mother of a 4 years old son and is in the process of getting a divorce with her husband who is really really terok. She is a nice lady but she sacrifice so much sticking with her husband till the very end when things really turn out to be worst. Husband brought back a women, women confront my friend to divorce, friend help to pay all the bills and loans, friend totally devestated. After 4 years of marriage and toiling of hardship, it does prove love is blind but in the end some bitch finally gave her a pair of eyes. I was shock when she confess but at the same time I had lots of respect and admiration for she surmounted all this hardship and tragedy to emerge a stronger and mature women.

About Holiday Plans.
20th Christmas Dinner with my old friends. 22nd and 23rd on leave. 24th is Christmas Eve and the whole empire going Bowling at OCC which really near my place. 25th is Christmas!!! 27th Paint Ball game. I like to go Vietnam next year...